She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Of course I have a pirate flag
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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