I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
