I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
