I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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