She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
