He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
