the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
