Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
