I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
