return my video game
I wish I could teleport
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't turn off my feet"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
