new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
