so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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