Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
