were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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