I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
