forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
