oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
