he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Im part way to drunk.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
