I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
