He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My ass is underappreciated
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
