what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
