Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
