I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
