so that wasnt chicken after all
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
