Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
