You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
