when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
