Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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