When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
