In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
