The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Your face is a jimmy john
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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