Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
