we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
