there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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