walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
