I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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