he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
