i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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