Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
