we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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