omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
