how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
