Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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