I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
