we have pet lesbian snakes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
