You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
