Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
