She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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