Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
