last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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