can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
