i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
my poor anus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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