i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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