I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
