i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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