so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There r osticjed everywhere
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
