And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
