He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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