Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
