Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
