im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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