I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
