So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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