Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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