I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
