Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
