I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize