Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
