i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
