I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
