if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
