I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
