Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
