My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
