my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
sick fucks of a feather flock together
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
