Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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