so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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