I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
