dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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