She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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