I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he thought i was a dude.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
