Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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