She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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