perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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