I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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