is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
