I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
