Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
