Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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