I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I cut my penus on the lid.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The struggles of a small town man whore
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