just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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