I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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