if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
