he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we're making bets on your personal life
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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