and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
