this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
