Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
