Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
