I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize