party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
