I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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