The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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