Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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