Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
