My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
