Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
