You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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